new bike to road test = butt butter?

yesterday is was Beautiful outside....got to 70 degrees. definitely time for a road test of our new x-country bikes. embarrassing to admit, but outside a single short ride on a borrowed bike in December i have not been on a bike for 35+ years...and i never had a bike with gears. ????? what are those and how do they work?

i never had a 2-wheeler. that astonished my husband....i can briefly remember a tricycle in a long ago Christmas setting but never got a 2 wheel bike and where we lived i sure could have used one. (mainly to flee...maybe they knew that)

we do this road test in our neighborhood which has a series of 'greenway' paths for runners and bikers, the assorted dog walkers and baby strolling parents. of course we decide to divert off the path and into a unknown neighborhood, up and down - emphasis on the down - which causes me to ask about the FLAT return home. to which my prince charming says "it's all downhill from here" (w/grin.)
at some point in the process my seat got moved to a higher position ensuring that i would not be able to touch the ground and have contact with the seat...not a comforting thought given my less than confident first time outing.

as i said a bit earlier, not familiar with gears. apparently my bike has 3 for the front wheel and 6 for the back one. who designs these things? trying to go uphill with 1 (front) and 7 (back) is hard  and my legs were complaining, as was my mouth apparently; until mr. p.charming says...both should be 1 - 1...OH! i then find i am halfway up the hill and i have no control over the pedals, let alone the wheels/tires to pavement! scared? not me....i am laughing so hard over the visual i see in my head of the clown car like sight i was creating for the folks out in their yards, that i literally can not pedal and fall to the left. unhurt and still laughing i have to walk my bike to the corner because i can not get on the now too high seat AND i am laughing.

triathlete friend WB recently informed me of 'butt butter' - newsflash WB, it's not my derriere that is in need of soothing this weekend. but thank you for the fascinating insights of long distance bikers and their backsides. (hugs and love!)

and yes i know that helmet looks stupid now that i see the photo.it's job is to save my head from connecting with cement...pity it can't be attractive AND meet OSHA requirements.