and the rains came tumbling down...

it started today...the cold, wet pouring down rain. as if God were mad that we whined about the heat of summer "I'll show you"! We spent last Thanksgiving in Matzalan....it was spectacular and oh how I wish we could go somewhere warm for this year. But no, we are sidelined at home, Mike still unable to find work, and me stuck at InHELL...I need to find real work..something with benefits and vacation time and meaning.


It's grey and dreary today...I am taking the day off and running errands, going to a meeting and just plain relaxing. My inHel job is getting busier...but that may not last once the Blue badges decide if having a "Greenie" is or isn't allowed to support an Acting Director.

9/11....

Like most other Americans I remember what I was doing at the exact moment that time stopped as we had come to know it....like the day JFK was assassinated, and Challenger exploded... I recall only to vividly those memories are carved into my very being - marble memories. This morning during the 15 minutes that I had access to the news I sat and listened to GMA for a few moments and was instantly in tears...I can not even begin to imagine what the survivors are feeling. So much loss, senseless loss and then I saw Rumsfeld and Cheney sitting at memorial for the Pentagon and was instantly angered by the sight of them.

9/11 and all that it stands for and we as a nation are still so smug and self righteous. Our leaders believing that somehow we should be immuned to terrorist bombings, war and the hatred of other countries. Many, many countries suffer from civil war, hunger, conflict and or those dictatorships and have being doing so for years. We have just been blessed that our nation has been relatively free of external strife or attack. Until the new millenium....we were all so excited about the new century. Hindsight is always 20/20.

Someone sent me this - keep it alive by copying it and emailing it to 10 others:

IF I KNEW If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,I would tuck you in more tightlyand pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last timethat I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kissand call you back for one more
If I knew it would be the last timeI'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,! I could spare an extra minuteto stop and say "I love you,
"instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last timeI would be there to share your day, Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,so I can let just this one slip away.
For surel y there's always tomorrowto make up for an oversight,and we always get a second chanceto make everything just right.
There will l always be another dayto say "I love you,
"And certainly there's another chanceto say our "Anything I can do?
"But just in case I might be wrong,and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love youand I hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn! 't take that extra timefor a smile, a hug, or a kissand you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today,and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear
Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me,"
"Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,you'll have no regrets about today.


Let us not forget what non-acceptance of others cultural, religious or national beliefs can do over time, the images of the towers will not permit that to happen I am afraid.

Although I did not know anyone personally - I will not be able to watch any reports or stories without tears of sorrow. Five years later and I am still a puddle. God Bless...

.....Matalzan

OUR Planet

aMayzinDeal


<strong>http://home.att.net/~hideaway_fun/442/planet.htm

Take a trip around our earth through the net - then try and justify not conserving energy or recycling that plastic whatever you have just tossed into the garbage! Notice America from outer space at night....we are the biggest consumers and the worst abusers of our right to be here....too bad the founders didn't embrace that

new land

idea more fully and treated it as if should always look and feel new.

Recycle people....consume less!

The weekend is almost over and I feel as if I have accomplished nothing...while I did work out in the yard for a bit yesterday, I have remained inside doing the odd chores of laundry, window cleaning and making the bed. Have a job interview at on Friday, so I need to do some research on that company and look to Mercy Corps website for the dream job posting...I need to full gainful employment if I must work.....and I must.

Fall is definitely in the air. I love the season, with the cascade of multi-colored leaves, to the crisp air blowing them along the sidewalks...so fun.

bon soir....

Factoids

Place an X by all the things you've done, or remove the X from the ones (over your entire life)
you have not, and send it to all of your friends (including Me). Copy this whole thing and then paste onto a new email to send out to
everyone.

This is for your entire life:
Smoked a cigarette - packs and packs of them

Drank so much you threw up - yup

Crashed a (boyfriend's or girlfriends car) - merely dented one side from wheelwell to wheelwell

Stolen a car – Nah…

Been in love – several times – mostly unsuccessfully

Been dumped - see above

Been laid off/fired – yes to both

Quit your job - YES

Been in a fist fight - NO

Snuck out of your parent's house. – Oh yeah

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back – look back several questions….
Gone on a blind date – once was enough

Lied to a friend but only to spare their feelings - sadly yes

Skipped school – yes

Seen someone die - again, sadly yes

Been to Canada - yes

Been to Mexico - yes

Been on a plane - yes

Been lost - Never

Been on the opposite side of the country - yes

Gone to Washington, DC – see above!

Swam in the ocean yes

Felt like dying... often enough to not want too

Cried yourself to sleep - yes

Played cops and robbers - long, long, long ago

Recently colored with crayons – if dry erasers count, then yes

Sang karaoke - omygawd NO

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't - of course - as a fool in love

Made prank phone calls – ditto above….

Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose – see Q# 3 -

Caught a snowflake on your tongue – oh yes

Danced in the rain - yes, yes, & yes

Written a letter to Santa Claus - yes

Been kissed under the mistletoe - yes

Watched the sun rise with someone you care about - YES
Blown bubbles - YES

Made a bonfire on the beach - X

Gone roller-skating/blading - X

Ice-skating - X

Been skydiving – loved it! what a rush!

1 Any nicknames? No.

2. Mothers name? Phyllis


3. What is your favorite drink? Iced coffee

4 Tattoos? Yes

5 Body piercing? Yes, left ear pieced 6 times/right ear 5 times

6 How much do you love your job? right now I tolerate my job as a temporary worker bee in a large corporation - hence my desire to find happiness and fullfilment in the not for profit (NGO) sector....

7 Birthplace: Seattle, WA

8 Favorite vacation spot: Italy

9 Ever been to Africa? No

10 Ever steal any traffic signs? NO

11 Ever been in a car accident? Yes

12 Doors 2 or 4 Doors? 4 – however I would prefer 2

13 Favorite Salad dressing? : Bleu Cheese

14 Favorite cake? German Chocolate or Angel Food

15 Favorite Number? 3

16 Favorite movie? Too many to narrow the list

17 Favorite holiday? Christmas

18 Favorite food? Pasta or Risotto

19 Favorite day of the week? Sunday

20 Favorite brand of body soap? Dove

21 Favorite TV show? Grey's Anatomy, Injustice, Boston Legal, etc

22 FavoriteToothpaste? Sensodyne

23 Favorite smell? for perfumes? Givenchy

24 What do you do to relax? Read, watch TV, needlepoint

25 Message to your friends reading this? Wish we could get together more often.

26 How do you see yourself in 10 years? Retired and traveling the country as a snowbird

27 What chores bore you? Dusting, cleaning the bathroom although I know it needs to be done.

28 What do you enjoy receiving? Flowers

29 Furthest place you will send this message? East Coast by email, the globe by my blog!

I wonder what your answers might be???? I got this in a recent email and thought that I would share mine with the world.

Hump Day...

It's Wednesday following Labor Day. One would think that hump day would provide a sense of "whew" almost the weekend but it doesn't, not in my mind anyway. It is torture working here at InHel when there is nothing to do and I do mean nothing...what a waste of my time and their money. Oh, I need to work, and I continue to seek out other opportunities, so I am putting in my hours and getting poorly paid to do things like read fiction, read my personal email, create a blog site and now post to it! Great work if you can find it....however, I would prefer to fill my days doing meaningful work that relieves suffering or hardship for others.

What's been on my mind lately is my biological age. I remember as a young girl how much I wanted to 'grow up' aka - get to 16, 18 or even 21! Markers for sure, although the markers were only part of that transition. When I turned 16 I thought it would mean I could then 'date'. However, by the time I did turn 16 I was overweight, wore thick glasses and had the hair of someone who had juststuck their fingers into a electric outlet...oh, yeah attrative - NOT! So dating became the illusion that it always had been, saved for the prettier, smarter, funnier girls that attended my school. I hated being 16...hell, I hated being me most of my teen years. (The whys of all that is another story - which I will save for another time)

18 meant freedom...or so I thought. I wasn't earning enough to actually move away and college wasn't in my future at that time, but once I started working for the plane factory (Boeing) I moved out and away from the crazy people. I also got married within months of that move....dumb, dumb, dumb - but you couldn't have told me that then!

21 just meant I could drink openly and legally...something I had been doing for years at that point, along with the recreational drugs I was using, 21 just made some of it easier to acquire. Nevermind that I preferred to share whatever 'you' had...I was so self centered and consumed with whatever was going on at the time.

It wasn't until i was 30 that i realized I was really a mess. I had lost years in there...early childhood trauma. Recently my therapist noted that I was probably a victim of PTST - post traumatic stress - that certainly explains the lost years. More on this subject another day.

I had a writing class last winter where the professor kept telling me I had so much life to write about..."years of experience" to put down. If that's true why is it so difficult for me to do? I feel inside, waiting for me to throw up the words so they will magically fall into the right pattern, the perfect pattern which is also known as a book. Maybe short stories to start, definitely not the poetic type - it's in there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for what-I-have-not-a-clue.
But I digress....

Now that I am in my mid-fifties and the mirror continues to trump me with that information each day, I look, and I look at the woman looking back and sometimes I see the most beautiful face and wonder where oh where was she for so long. Today I know that I am smart, damn smart - a feat that I accomplished during the last four years of my life. Starting college and making the National Honor Society, both Dean & Presidents Lists at PCC and PSU only stregthened my self-confidence and my self-esteem. It's comforting to know that my parents were wrong....I am smart, strong and beautiful and I did it all by myself.

Oh, when I was in Venice....

On a boat-bus in Venice - September 2005

It was exactly 1 year ago today that I awoke at Spannochia, Italy. All emotionally hung over from having travelled for 24 hours only to have all my ID and money stolen in the last 30 miles to my destiny. Having traveled by car, plane, bus and taxi only to discover the missing purse....somewhere between Siena and Rosia - my identity gone. My husband was camping in the wilds of Idaho and I spent a good hour trying to get him to answer his cell phone...the wilderness has few cell towers - a major disadvantage when emergencies arise. Let's only hope that this remains true.

I miss Italy. I miss the tempo of life, the people and their sense of all things delicious and beautiful....I miss the sunset in Tuscany - a glow so undescribable that one has to experience it to know it. I miss the oldness of what is still so profoundly beautiful. Once I get the hang of posting photos, I'll post some more here.

I spent 10 beautiful, exhausting and wonder filled days in Tuscany and then onto Venice. OHMygod is all I can say...Venice!A week in Venice with all that it holds. The gentle rocking of boat transit docks, the cobblestones and no cars. The food, oh my, the food. I lost 9 pounds by the time I got home and I ate as if each meal was my last....marvelous. Simply marvelous.....

So over the next few days I'll remember Italy, and dream of taking Mike there next time.